jokes
Differences
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| jokes [2023/07/07 01:00] – adam | jokes [2025/02/26 18:26] (current) – adam | ||
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| A blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair. | A blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair. | ||
| How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. | How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. | ||
| - | My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!” | + | My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!" |
| - | ברכב שנוסע על 4 גלגלים, | + | |
| what's the best part about living in switzerland? | what's the best part about living in switzerland? | ||
| I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren' | I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren' | ||
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| I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. | I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there. | ||
| Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? | Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? | ||
| - | Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog." | + | Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog." |
| Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing. | Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing. | ||
| What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? Attire. | What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? Attire. | ||
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| What kind of music do fish listen to? Anything they find catchy. | What kind of music do fish listen to? Anything they find catchy. | ||
| As a child, I was forced to walk the plank. We couldn' | As a child, I was forced to walk the plank. We couldn' | ||
| + | How do you carve something out of wood? Whittle by whittle. | ||
| + | Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet. | ||
| + | A priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. The priest orders wine. The bartender asks the rabbit, what' | ||
| + | I went to a restaurant and got some tea. They charged me $10! that's what I call a steep price. | ||
| + | Being able to own up to mistake, shows that you are human. Being able to blame it on someone else shows management potential! | ||
| + | What does a writer have in common with a football player? Anxiety over a rough draft. | ||
| + | What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats. | ||
| + | Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year. | ||
| + | "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched." | ||
| + | How was the handsome runner described? Dashing. | ||
| + | One of my uncles died by accidentally drinking wood varnish. It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish. | ||
| + | Why should you never take sides in an argument at the dinner table? Trick question. It's the perfect time to take sides because no one's paying attention. Bring Tupperware. | ||
| + | I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden... I realised I had gone way off course when I crossed the Finnish line. | ||
| + | For the 10th year in a row i got voted most secretive guy in the office. i can't tell you how much that means to me. | ||
| + | Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV. | ||
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jokes.1688691610.txt.gz · Last modified: 2023/07/07 01:00 by adam